Requirement ..

I  am looking for a Bank which can perform Two things for me :

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Give me a Loan, & then Leave me aLone !! 

Why men should not be agony aunts

A very good example exemplifying the fact that men should not try hands at being agony aunts.

Dear Dave, I left home for work yesterday and after only driving a mile down the road, my car stalled and then would not start, I had to walk all the way back home only to find my husband in bed with our 19 year old babysitter, they announced that they had been having an affair, it had been going on 2 years and that they were deeply in love. I am completely heart broken, can you help me ? I am desperate,

yours sincerely
 Tracy


And the reply ---> 
 

Dear Tracy, the most common case for vehicle breakdown in the first few miles is dirt in the fuel lines, if this is not the cause it usually the alternator, hope this helps,

Dave.

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 No comments :P

No title !!

Every now and then i get into this weird mood where suddenly the most phaltu joke gives immense pleasure. So have decided to blog few "worst jokes ever" till i remain in this mood :p. So here is one of such jokes. Its a old one, but still funny.



Woman is like fruit...
Every fruit has its own taste, sweetness and colour...

The problem with men is,
They love fruit salad. ;)

Timepass

Had again forgotten that this part of my life exists. So another umpteenth time attempt to revive this section.

Beat this conversion !! Does the below sentence ring any bells ?

"soft flower hiding alone alcohol raised up came !! "

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chikni chameli chupke akeli pavva chaddha ke aayi !!



* bangs head * !!!

Error message

This is another old one ... but i kind of recalled it the other day when i was using windows machine .




There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he said,

"I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger !! "
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He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

The light bulb problem..

How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb ??
































None , ... its a hardware problem !!

Change in time ..

When i was a kid, an elderly person had asked me few questions. Namely :

Q: If a japanese guy opens a school in maharashtram what wuld he name it ?

A : Ya shikha

(For those not understanding marathi,it means "come and learn" ).


Q: If a chinese guy opens a tea shop in maharashtra, what wuld he name it ?

A : Phun kun pi

( Again,in marathi, it means "blow air before you drink" the hot tea)


Right , so those PJs felt a great deal at that time and i enjoyed telling it to everyone i could get hold of. Even my alien friends !!! .

Today i met a person, who had named her baby girl "Yashika" !! .. My first reaction was laughter .. How times change ? . People first named there kids with meaningful names. These days kids names need to be unique, meaning has got less or no importance at all. May be there will be time when absurd things like chemical formulaes would be used to name kids.

Hmmm ... what should i name my kids ?? Just Incase ? Dan Druff? he he ..

A thought ...

While having lunch the other day, the topic of social service cropped up and suddenly a friend popped up a thought that:

"An organization,that even in these recession times, goes to different countries , sets up their base there and recruits local people is doing a nevertheless pretty good job which is no less than a social service."

We all agreed unanimously , with few errant noises here and there made by the over enthusiastic people, that indeed these organizations are doing a noble cause from one point of view.

However the organization in question turned out to be: Al Qaeda

After the usual "Tch Tch" responses we did find out few points in this regard where we started discussing its pros and cons:

1. It not only recruits people with exceptional talent in their fields but even those people who aren't educated and don't find any job. Thereby creating employment.

2. As mentioned it gives job even to local people where it plans to set up its "industry" and expand its business.

3. There are frequent on-site "visits" in place. You might get to go to a new place if you return with "success" from the first visit ;).


4. People recruited are ready to give up their life for the cause. It takes a great deal to perform some work when u are sure that death is eminent and there is no looking back once you get in. The employees are motivated to such an extent that they are ready to lay down their life. Contrast this with a software company, a PM can't even make his sub-ordinates to work till late night consistently. All top management people should be sent to Al-Qaeda to take practice and learn how to motivate people.


Even though we were all joking around with this topic, these points are so true. Only wish that Al-Qaeda had a brain cleaning session and used its resources for a more better outcome.

joke time

PJ of the day:

Saap ne mujhe Duss diya.
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Maine usko 5-5 ka chutta diya :)


Tch Tch !!!

#1 -> #28

In a bid to blog more regularly i have always tried to think out of the box and try things to increase my regularity ..but nothing has helped me to press that publish post button more often. So herez one trick i was suggested and would like to implement it. Every title should go with the blog number. Increase in the number might help to encourage me to write on more stuffs regularly and over time i can stop including that # numbers. Right so here we go. But wait... i can't blog just statments like this. So here one joke:

Two bats are going for their midnight feed.

After an hour or so, one bat gets tired of looking and goes home with no blood.

The other bat comes home with blood dripping from its mouth. The first bat says enviously, "Where did you get all that blood from?"

The second bat replies, "Follow me. I'll show you."

After awhile the second bat leads him to a tree with blood spots on it. e says, "You see that tree branch over there?"

The hungry bat excitedly says, "Yes!"

Other bat says, "I didn't."

Chinese in the box

Following are my all time favorite 4 chinese jokes !! ... they are really hilarious :p ... IF any1 is reading this ...then you must check out the last joke ...unbelievingly mind blowing to say the least ...




















１：一艘船失事后，1名女乘客和10名男乘客漂到了一个荒岛上。
一个月后，那个女的自杀了，因为她觉得这一个月发生的事情实在太恶心了。
一个月后，他们决定把她埋了，因为他们觉得这一个月发生的事情实在太恶心了。
一个月后，他们决定把她挖出来，因为他们觉得这一个月发生的事情实在太恶心了。
一个月后，上帝把那个女的复活了，因为他觉得这几个月发生的事情实在太恶心了 。


２：有一个成年男子来到一家旅馆，他看到车库里有很多漂亮的车，于是就问老板，怎么有这么多漂亮的车啊，老板告诉他，我有一个五岁的儿子，他做三件事，如果你能跟着做到，这里的车随你挑一辆开走，如果不能，就把你的车留下，很多人做不到，所以。他想，五岁的小孩能做到的，还能做不到嘛，于是就试一试。老板就带他到一个屋子里，里面有一个漂亮的裸体美女，小孩过去亲了她一下，他跟着做了，然后小孩又过去摸了美女的全身，他也跟着做了，第三件事，小孩掏出小弟弟弯了三下。


３：某男隐居深山,一曰赤裸身体躺于草丛中休息.突然来了个采蘑菇的小姑娘:“1个,2个,3个,4个,5个,5个,5 个,5个...“最终放弃离开.此男甚爽.第二天依然裸睡于此,来了个采蘑菇的小熊:“1个,2 个,3个,4个,5个,5个,5个,5个...6个,7个,8个......“


and ...

４：说白雪公主与皮诺曹生活在大森林里，一曰，白雪公主终于耐不住寂寞，抓住小匹的头夹在两腿之间说道：“说实话、说假话、再说实话、再说假话...”这样说了一千遍，公主才把小皮放开。






wasn't that funny now ? :p


chao !!

Windows - A virus ???

The one thing i do everyday religiously is browse the web and figure out what is new in linux. Needless to say i come across comparison with M$ (windows ..if u didn't figure it out ;) ) at various levels. I do have a few points to say from my side too. I was reading about what virus does and have seen uncanny resemblance in what windows does. Herez a small peek-view

1. Virus are known to perform haphazardly and block all your system resources for its own usage.
Windows works the same way. somehow i always ran out of system memory as the OS was doing something "more important" thing of its own.

2. Virus replicate themselves.
Well once problem starts in windows, a reboot is the only option, or the problem just keeps on growing !!.

3. Virus usually reside inside a piece of code and get activated when the code is executed.
Official Windows come in packaged form,that you buy ,and once you run windows ...

4. As i mentioned, Virus hog the system, making u to buy new software.
Windows does that all the time :-D .Though its not just software up gradation but also hardware in some cases.

5. If anti-virus fails, reformatting the file-system is the best known solution against virus.
In windows, sometimes i feel formatting and reinstalling things is the only option available :p

Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences:

a. Viruses are well supported by their authors (You can actually see the signatures of the proud owners)

b. They run on most systems (Sometimes viruses are made cross-platform )

c. Their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature. Some serious man power is utilized in creating virus !!


So from the above differences mentioned, i conclude:

Windows is not a virus. It's a bug




ha ha !!!

Only in Pune

If you know some one staying in Pune (India) let them know this. If you
are in Pune, do go through this story COZ, its a real one. Read this
true story…and let everybody you know in and around Pune especially
University Road……….

My friend lives in Deccan… One day he went to University Road to visit his uncle for some days as his parents had to attend a wedding in Alibagh. One evening he and some other of my college friends went to Adlabs for a
movie. He had so much fun that he forgot that it’s very late.

He caught the last PMT to University Road….. he reached University road around midnight. He had to walk about a mile from the bus stop to home. It was pretty late and not a single soul was visible for miles.As he was walking alone, he could sense that the night felt very creepy as it was so dark. While walking, he was astonished to see an old weird-looking guy selling some books. It was a very unusual thing to see a thing like that (man selling books so late ).

The situation got worse when he noticed that this old guy was unusually pale and staring at him… The old guy said “Son why don’t you buy a book…it would keep you company”.

Then my friend did something which he would regret for the rest of his life. My friend started to act brave & thought why not & had a look at his collections. My friend’s hair started to stand on end as he noticed that all the books were related to supernatural activities…but he found one that was very interesting.

So he asked the old man “how much is it, uncle?” The old guy replied, “Well son…this is an interesting book…it’s only for Rs 250.

My friend was shocked and said “but…but… it’s expensive”.

This time the old man stared which freaked my friend. My friend did not want to cross this scary old man, so he quickly checked all his pockets & found Rs.200 & said “This is all I have.” The old guy replied “It’s OK son… you can have the book for that price”.

As my friend was just about to run for home…the old man called back and said “Son … whatever happens, don’t ever flip the book to it’s last page… remember these words or you will regret…!!!!!”

My friend nodded and never looked back. Reaching home, he quickly asked his Uncle whether there was any new old book seller nearby?. The Uncle replied ” I haven’t seen him but ….we’ve heard that therez one old man who comes once in a while during full moon nights but heard that there is something creepy about it…why son?”

My friend freaked out. He told his uncle “nothing uncle… just asking”. He started reading the book with the old man’s parting words on his mind…At night, 2 o’clock, as he went to bed, a gush of wind blew which chilled him up to his bones. At that point, he noticed the wind had blown the pages to its last page. He remembered what the old man had said !!!

But we humans tend to have the tendency to know. Out of curiosity, he flipped to the last page & fainted… What he saw at the last page is stated below:

Don’t look further down if you have a weak heart

I warn you

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Original price:– Rs. 20/-

Promotion price:– Rs. 10/-



Disclaimer: This is a very old story i had read when i was in school, but i actually remembered it when i was just strolling FC road sub-lanes the other night and it kinda felt good at remembering such a old thing that i had read once :). three cheers for my memory :p

Matrimony Personified

Over a period of time ,i have come across a number of mails which showcase (rather esoterically ) the profound emotion (desperation) of people to put across their "down-to-earth" and "i-don't-expect-much" attitude while applying for a profile description for matrimony.However their supreme command over the language not just conveys the "correct" message but also tickles even the hardest punter !!. I really felt like picking up few , which stand out ;)

Right then ... here we go ... keep your brain out to have more fun


Hello To Viewers My Name is Shekhar , I am single idon't have female, If anyone want to Marie to me u canvisit to my home. I am not a good education but iworking all field in bangalroe.. if u like me uwelcome to my heart...when ever u want to meet plsvisit my resident or send u letter.. Thanks yoursRegards Shekhar

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i want very simple girl. from brahmin educated familyfrom orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN,GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework

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she should be good looking and should have a service.she Should have one brother and one sister. she shouldbe educated.

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I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys everymoments of life. I love to make friendship. Becausefriendship is a first step of love. I am looking formy dreamgirl who will love me more than i. Because ilove myself a lot. If u think that is u then why tolate come on ........hold my hand forever

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My wife should be as 'Shivani' as in Kahani Ghar GharKi and as Tanwerr as in KSBKBT......

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i want a girl with no drinks if she wants she can wearjeans in house but while stepping out of house sheshould give respect to our cast

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whatever she may be but she should feel that she isgoing to be someone bride and she must think of thefuture life if she is too like this she would becalled the woman of the lamp

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i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search mypatner and i love thepatner ok thik hai the patner hasa graduate ok

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iam kanan. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred.

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ssc failed three times and worked with privated ltdcompany which not paying salary at present

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iam very simpel and hanest. i have three sister onebrother and parent. i am doing postal sarvice andtailor master my original resdence at kalahandi distenaw iam staing at rayagada dist.




priceless statements !!